"You Don't Need To Know Who I Am"

Yesterday, I was looking for a multivitamin and my friend accompanied me to a snooty shop that I like because it's on Park Avenue and the word "chemist" is in the title, which opens the door for me to say, "By the by, when I was at the chemist on Park Avenue...."

The store also also has way too many options for our pretty little heads. Just as I was saying to my friend that maybe I should just get One A Day from some tedious, non-snooty pharmacy, a random shopper appears in my field of vision and starts chattering about which vitamins I should take. I am assuming that the expression on my face suggested that I was wondering why a stranger interrupted my private conversation for an intense, one-sided "Come-to-Jesus" meeting about vitamins. I am only assuming this because she stared me in my face as she announced: "You don't need to know who I am." Needless to say, I'm too well-bred to respond, "Um, that's good — because that is of no interest to me." I don't remember a thing that she was talking about because the term "for older women" was part of her sentence.

A few minutes later Random Crazy Lady was back AGAIN, buzzing around my head like one of those big, gimpy summer flies that slowly whirl around your head, but suddenly pick up speed when you're ready to swat. I cut off her earnest bleating to ask, "What did you mean before when you said 'for older women?' "She quit talking at me for a blissful second, then started rambling on again. After the part where she stammered, "when we ... uh ... get past our ... you know ... our 30s and our 40s (!?)... not that I'm saying you...." I would like to think that my trademark Withering Glare Of Death (TM) is what finally got Random Crazy Lady to go away.

The entire ordeal was too taxing, so I sailed off with my nose — sans vitamins, which is why I probably am about to drop dead from scurvy. I did, however, go to a non-snooty drugstore to load up on scrubs and masks because I don't need any more implications that I am Miss Jane Pittman.

Holiday Survival Guide Tip No. 10

If Santa deemed you nice, you probably have a whole lotta stuff to shove under your bed or behind the ficus tree until you figure out where to put it. Or maybe you'd like to start out the new year with your abode looking a little more tidy. One of the most orderly women I know, Code Name: Heather Fairchild, a princess of planning, maven of managing things and oracle of organization has turned me on to a site called Stacks and Stacks, which features a whole lotta items for organizing your digs. Heather Fairchild recommends the Closet Pole Hanging Shelves, which are a recession-friendly $25.99. There are also about a million shoe organizers to choose from. And there are purse storage units! It’s a fashionista’s dream come true.


Tipping Point: Heather Fairchild points out that the canvas organizers can get a little saggy after a while, so you’re better off sticking with metal.

Maybe God Doesn't Hate Us!

And to think you got all stabby when you heard she was bowing out of Fashion Week! (Click the headline.)

Holiday Survival Guide Tip No. 8

Mmmm, don't you love the feel of real Valentino? I know I do ... from all the times my charitable friends have let me touch their purses for a few blissful minutes. Well, I have a fashionable go-to girl, we'll call her Lo C., who always knows what to wear, where to go and who to like. She recently tipped me off to a site that allows you to pretend that you're not broke by getting your hot little hands on real designer goods. It's called Bag Borrow Or Steal. So even if you can't spend absurd amounts of money to buy luxury items, you can spend somewhat less absurd amounts to rent them and make a big splash at holiday parties. Of course, you have to pay for the membership, but if you have the right values, you'll just go do it. Lo C. would never steer you wrong.

Gift Whores

Okay, folks, here's a gift idea for him or pour homme as the French say. Last night The 'Stache and I went to a party at Spiff For Men on Third Avenue and 46th Street in N.Y.C. and I can assure you that there are affordable gift options for the metorsexual or Dapper Don in your life.
The shop is designed with an industrial feel so that guys can primp while still feeling manly. I tried out the massage chairs, which come with heat and all kinds of vibrate-y options. There is also a lot of product for sale to ensure smooth, snuggle-worthy skin.

Prices range from $12 for a beard trim and clean-up to $160 for a 90-minute exfoliation treatment with head-to-toe massage. If you can shell out $425, you can get him a six-month membership which includes unlimited haircut/style, manicures, shoeshine and 10 percent off additional services and retail products. If you're some kind of millionare with $750 at your disposal, you can pay for a 12-month membership.
Tipping Point: Sign up before December 31 and you can get a complimentary voucher for a free pedicure or "Xpress shave" or facial service.

Mama Needs A New Pair Of Shoes

Oh, sweet Jesus, is it already freaking Monday again? Please tell me I'm dreaming and it's really last Thursday. No? Sigh. Well, I can only think of one good reason to get out of bed: to go make some shopping money. It's Cyber Monday, the day when online retailers kick off their holiday shopping sales!

You know what goes good with Cyber Monday? The Kinks.




Tipping Point:
Keep checking The Budget Fashionista for the best Cyber Monday deals today.

You Asked For It

And by you, I mean my husband, who has been pushing me to blog, which is kind of weird since I often get the impression that he wishes I'd stop talking. Well, maybe this is just his scheme to get some quiet around here. I also hear tell that these two chicks, whom I will refer to as The Pigeon Sisters, think that the wit and wisdom of my Facebook status updates is a sign that I should blog. Well, with possibly three devoted readers, I'm rife with performance anxiety. I mean, what on earth do I have to blog about?

I've gotta say something, so let's discuss what's vexing me today: Black Friday. It is beyond me why anyone would leave the comfort of their cozy bed at an ungodly hour to push up against some schlubby masses who will then stampede into Wal-Mart in a willy-nilly fashion that ends up with some poor worker being killed. That's exactly what happened today in Long Island and I am dismayed. The Nation will be forced to devote an apocalyptic issue listing Wal-Mart's misdeeds. Keith Olbermann's probably writing a 27-minute "Special Comment" right this minute.

I blame whichever goons were so eager to get their grubby paws on Guitar Hero XXMCL that they didn't notice that they were trampling a human being. Oooh, look at me being all outraged.

The Tipping Point: Here's something much more positive: "Let's Say Thanks." The folks at Xerox have a site that allows you to send free holiday cards to the troops. I sent some cards yesterday and it made me feel good.

Uh, how long are these bloggy things supposed to be. Did I say enough to satisfy my three readers?