Mystical Negro's Psychic Prediction

Have you noticed that our beloved Oprah seems like she's coming undone this week? There was that kind of awkward "I'm a big fattie" confession and all kinds of self-flagellation. Okay, we've all been there. Geeky Splendor is a fat ass right now so we are low-carbing our way back to perfect single-digit dress size cuteness. If you ask me, which you did not, I think she's freaking out because her dreamy secret boyfriend — who in a shocking twist is also my dreamy secret boyfriend — is about to be inaugurated on January 20 and she wants to be sleek and babelicious for the Best Inauguration Ever.

Well, Oprah, I know you have never heard of this lame ass blog are reading this, but don't worry, you're still Oprah. You'll slim down again. And our secret boyfriend doesn't think any less of you. You're a star. Now turn that frown upside down. And also, go away for a few minutes, I have to gossip about your personal business with our other readers.

Okay, now I can tell you what's in my crystal ball. I don't think Oprah is just vexed about being fat again. No, she has something else on her mind and you will find out what it is this year (early 2010 at the latest, but probably 2009). Oprah is wrestling with whether, when and how to go public with a very personal detail. She has been gradually preparing us all for this revelation for years, but isn't ready to spill yet because it will be quite controversial. Several other very big-name celebs who have been in the headlines lately are holding her hand through the process and paving the way for her to make the announcement.

My psychic powers tell me that when Oprah does break the news, it's going to be seen as a major trend because a few other big names (And I mean major players) are going to be talking about the very same topic. Expect a hint of some kind in May or June and the reveal itself should come in September or November. There will be a lot of speculative "Is Oprah losing it?" stories in the tabloids, but they'll die down after hordes of well-coifed, sweater-set wearing suburban types follow suit. You may all marvel at my insights into the mystical realm at that time.