Trash Talk Thursday: TV Edition

Goddess bless, you TLC! There is an addictive show that Geeky Splendor is hooked on, Toddlers & Tiaras. It's all about this strange land called America (You know, the parts between New York and California) and child beauty pageants. Dreamy sigh. In addition to the incredible fabulosity that is a six-year-old with a spray-on tan, "flippers" (fake teeth) and cheesetastic hairpieces, there are actually some interesting surprises. Yeah, you knew about pageant moms, but did you know some of them compete against kids in certain pageants? There are also pageant dads and competitions for said dads. There are little boys in these things, too, though they are spared a certain degree of foolishness. The parents aren't all what you might have envisioned. The episode this week featured contestants with two mommies. That pleases Geeky Splendor because we believe in equality, which means everyone deserves a chance to be portrayed as a total wackadoo. 






Lest you think it's all mocking and sarcasm, there are some heartwarming, inspiring tales. Or at least one. If you can, please catch the episode where the winsome, noncrazy Kayleigh and her winsome, noncrazy family go up against little Story, who will hopefully get to be winsome and noncrazy once she is old enough to put her little foot down. Anyway, winsome, noncrazy Kayleigh and Co. are a shining example of why it's good to march to the beat of your own drummer. And they also happen to be in a pageant in Georgia that does not make you want to call CPS.


Tipping Point: If you ever find yourself in a pageant, don't forget to pack some of our beloved Vaseline . A little bit slicked across your teeth will help you to maintain a fake smile for much longer.

"V" For Vaseline!

I have my differences with Fox News, but this gentleman (whoever he is) and I have a common bond. I told you people Vaseline is the Sugar Honey Ice Tea, did I not?

Well, Duh!

Vaseline is the most indispensible beauty product ever. (Let us count some of the many the ways we at Geeky Splendor use it:

1. Lip balm
2. Clear lip gloss
3. Converting a matte lipstick we don't like into a cute lip gloss by making a paste out of the offending lipstick and the Vaseline (Save all your old little sample size glass and plastic pots for this. Add a little honey for extra moisturizing and to make it taste yummy, too.)
4. Boob lube
5. Eyebrow tamer
6. Eyelash conditioner
7. Eye cream
8. Makeup remover
9. Facial moisturizer
10. Hand cream
11. Cuticle softener
12. Nail "polish" when we aren't wearing polish
13. Manicure extender when our nail polish starts to look dull
14. Heel softener
15. Shoe shine, yeah, we know that's ghetto. We can live with that.
16. Relief for our sad, red noses when we have a cold and have to blow it all the time
17. Lotion thickener (Add a dab to watery drug store lotions to give them a creamy consistency.)
18. Seasonal facial moisturizer booster (Just a tiny dab added to facial moisturizer when you need to combat dry winter skin.)
19. Beauty pageant smile when forced to assume a pleasant expression for long periods of time (Okay, we haven't really done this. Maybe.... But if it's good enough for Miss America. Just put a little on your teeth if you have an extended photo shoot or something.)
20. Gang fights. (Okay, we seriously haven't done this one. But we hear that if you are about to have to cut a b*tch, you should coat your face with it because said b*tch may be thinking of cutting you, too.)