Monday Morning Mocking and Melodrama

Oh, my Goddess! This is exactly how I felt about having my four-day weekend come to an end this morning. I don't even have the motivation to lead you all in a merry dance party.

Trash Talk Thursday

OMG, I am like the Amazing Kreskin. Did I not fearlessly predict that the tabs would be egging on the whole absurd (and by that I mean fabulously dishy)  Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie feud this week. Well,  In Touch and OK! did not disappoint and  OK! would have totally won this round for a wonderful overheated headline: "Obsessed With Angie!" But Us  threw down the gaunltet by filling a gaping void : J. Lo news! Oh, happy day! I forgot how much I missed her. According to Us, an unimpeachable source of information, "The Ring is Off!" She is totally tired of That Guy She Married ™. Do you people understand that once she kicks him out we're going to be treated to delicious, breathless speculation about who is next on her list of ex-husbands-to-be? There are so many viable options. And this whole toned-down thing she has been doing will be over. Hello, mink eyelashes. Hello, conspicuous consumption. Hello, "Who Has The Best Booty?" stories. Kwanzaa came early this year. This is totally going to get us through worrying about the economy and the fact that Minnesota can't recount freaking ballots any faster than this and who has the craziest pastor and everything else that makes our pretty, little heads all hurty. Thank you, Us. Thank you.

Random Absurd Moment

Well, here's something you don't see every day.

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Why does God hate us? (Click on the headline to find out the latest smite.)

Monday Morning Dance Party

Yeah, so, I'm trying to give up excessive complaining. And Monday mornings are such a great day to kvetch, but nope –  I'm starting this one fresh with a jaunty tune. Complaining leads to frowning, which leads to wrinkles and we can't have that. Dance parties, on the other hand, lead to smiles and laughter, which keeps us gorgeous. So, dance away!

Random Lowbrow Moment

Is it just me? Or did Paul Anka get beat up by Willem Dafoe ? Just asking.

Random Highbrow Moment

So The 'Stache and I were at the National Arts Club last week for the Steven Colucci show. Like all true art aficonados, I made my way back to the cocktails as fast as my little mules could carry me.

Along the way, I happened upon the work of Meg Strecker, a young, cool chick whose art spoke to me because she blended beauty items favored by Lindsay Lohan and Oprah Winfrey with geometric dream imagery. Yes, she made mandalas out of false eyelashes. How fabulous is that? Clearly, I immediately wanted to chat because I sensed some true Geeky Splendor. To see what I'm talking about, check out her blog, Lash of a Butterfly.

Tipping Point: Do not pull out your cell phone in the chichi members-only bar. They frown on that sort of thing. They do not seem to mind, however, if you eat some of the members-only cheese and crackers. In any event, you can get lovely lyonnaise cuisine around the corner at L'Express on Park Avenue. You will be hungry because the artsy types like the drinky, but not so much with the eaty. You will not be sorry if you have the burger with goat cheese. It'll cost you about $10, so you can be an art-loving recessionista and well-fed all at the same time.

Monday Morning Sing-Along

Yay! It's Monday! Woo hoo! I'm being ironic. Take it away, Fats!





Tipping Point: A deep inhalation of citrus oil will help you feel more alert and possibly less annoyed by the fact that it's Monday.

As God Is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fry

You readers are soooooooooooooooooo lucky to have this informative blog, which now includes special programming on COLOR TV. OMG, I know! It's amazing. The current episodes on Frivolity TV feature such wide-ranging topics as yoga positions, black hair care and how to fry a turkey — the cajun way.

Tipping Point: Tamara, the Ford model is not lying about Carol's Daughter products. The Mimosa Hair Honey is my favorite. It's yummy and luxurious and forced me to swear off my cheap drugstore hair oil. It's worth every penny.