Trash Talk Thursday

Hallelujah! The tabs are finally back in business with lots of juicy material. There is schadenfreude. There is speculaton. There's the requisite, publicist-generated stories about men who are clearly batting for the home team in alleged love triangles with beautiful beards. Ah, fauxmances. Ah, bliss.

This week, there's plenty of chocolatey first family goodness. OK! has the best inaugural cover with extra bonus points for the "Oh, Bama!" headline. I'm not saying it's original, I'm saying I don't have to justify my scoring system.

Star, meanwhile, has a Brad and Angie cover from out of left field, asking "Where Are The Twins?" Extra bonus points for not having an inset of Jennifer Aniston looking like the most lonesome ever spinster in Lonesomeville. The issue also has a fun Spencer's Violent Attack!" story, which almost sounds like a not-totally-manufactured-for-drama "Speidi" story, in part because there's no cheesy photo-op of them frolicking in a pumpkin patch or on the beach or wherever pretend couples frolic these days. Back to The President, there's a "White House Baby!" story. According to Star, the First Coulple wants a First Son. I think Star is just hoping they can do a "Where's The First Baby?" story with a sad and lonely inset of Jen Aniston.

This week's winner is Us, who tells us all about Jennifer Love Hewitt and "Why She Called Off Her Wedding". Despite the fact that I didn't know she was engaged or to whom, I'm always happy to see a fresh face on the tabs. Extra bonus points for resisting the urge to go crazy with the shouty exclamation points!!!!

If you pick it up, please turn to the last page for a pictorial on the very troubling nail art trend. Quelle horror!

Shallow End Of The Pool: Inaugural Edition

©freephoto1.com

Whew! do you guys realize how close we came to not having the bestest ever inauguration, all because some makeup artist almost ruined it for all of us by not paying attention to brow trends? You guys are so lucky to have me to keep you from making these kinds of errors. That said, I can't wait until we can all go back to a nice bitchy high-arched brow. That's my favorite, but I'm suffering along with the rest of you through the whole current soft and gentle thing in the name of beauty.