Shallow End Of The Pool: Inaugural Edition

©freephoto1.com

Whew! do you guys realize how close we came to not having the bestest ever inauguration, all because some makeup artist almost ruined it for all of us by not paying attention to brow trends? You guys are so lucky to have me to keep you from making these kinds of errors. That said, I can't wait until we can all go back to a nice bitchy high-arched brow. That's my favorite, but I'm suffering along with the rest of you through the whole current soft and gentle thing in the name of beauty.

The Best Possible Use Of Your Time

If you enjoy fancy pageant walking, tiaras and the possibility that a little good olde-skoole cattiness might erupt, you seriously need to be watching Miss America: Countdown To The Crown on TLC. It's fabulous. And it features Kym Douglas, one of the goddesses who we worship at Geeky Splendor, as a celebrity judge. I trust you all remember that Kym totally prevented you all from having a big fashion disaster not that long ago. The show is on Fridays at 10 p.m. EST. If you miss this, well, I guess I just don't know who you are anymore. Go Miss Georgia, go!

F___ Friday Dance Party: Diva Edition!

In Praise of ... Jasmine

If there is one thing we love here at Geeky Splendor, it's an all-powerful goddess. Another thing we love is just about anything that springs from the mind of Joss Whedon (excluding the original Buffy movie and Dawn Summers a.k.a. "The Key", of course). In Season Four of Angel, the show brought us Gina Torres as Jasmine.






As we've touched on before, goddesses are imperfect and they do have their challenges, so let's get a few of Jasmine's flaws out of the way. As it turns out, Jasmine's "true face" wasn't astonishingly beautiful, but I've seen plenty of gorgeous actresses before they get into Hair and Makeup and while they aren't exactly decaying and maggot-covered like Jasmine, they sure do benefit from proper lighting and a quality foundation, if you know what I mean. Then there was that whole eating people thing, but it's not like they suffered. They were just happy to be in her presence. She didn't even chew, it was more of a glowy absorption process.






A thornier issue was that Jasmine-worship tended to curtail free will. But seriously, if you could be totally blissful in a happy, peaceful world and wear pink and listen to Pet Sounds, but not have much choice in the matter, wouldn't you go for it? Or would you be a stickler for the free will in a gloomy, violent world sans pink and peppy tunes? Have you noticed that people only talk about free will in relation to bad things? It's never about the free will to nuzzle puppies and sip mimosas and take a spa day. All in all, I feel the whole eating people and marginal mental enslavement thing was blown way out of proportion.


Misunderstood Jasmine was a real leader, brainy, cultured (fluent in multiple languages), had fabu hair and makeup skills (the way she applied her lipcolor is a lesson to us all) and she made everybody happy and achieved virtual world peace. Within days of her arrival, she was presented with a divalicious hotel suite and later she subtly suggested to her worshippers that a temple would be nice, too. That's my kind of girl. So she ate a couple of dozen folks a day. Did I mention the world peace and pink and Pet Sounds? Jasmine's dulcet tones, fashion sense, determination and ability to inspire genuflection earn her a Great Underrated Fashionista of Fiction Award.


I really wish I had great Jasmine clips for you, but most of what I found was montages set to Evanescence. While, I'm willing to rationalize the eating people, some things just can't be excused.

Goddess Worship: Eartha Kitt

This week's Goddess Worship is in honor of the late Eartha Kitt. I was lucky enough to catch her act several years ago at the Cafe Carlyle. It was, as you would expect, a glamourina's dream come true. She even engaged me in a little banter from the stage and delivered one of her patented purrs. Check out this article on Miss Kitt from The New York Times.

And while we're at it, here's another purrfect video.

Goddess Worship: Bettie Page

In memory of the late Bettie Page, this week's Goddess Worship is devoted to the 1950s sex goddess. Check out this slide show from the New York Times. And while you're at it, read this appreciation from Times writer Manohla Dargis.

F____Off Friday: Memorial Dance Party

It's with great sadness that Geeky Splendor has learned of the death of Bettie Page. Here she is (in the only clean video I could find on short notice) showing off her moves. In honor of Bettie, I think we should all spend the rest of F___ Off Friday, committing these steps to memory.

Goddess Worship: Cocomama

© freephoto1.com

Did you see CNN's report on happiness this week? A study shows that happiness is communicable. All of us goddesses need to channel Cocomama, the Incan goddess of health and happiness. She drove the boys wild, so wild in fact, that jealous lovers cut her body in half. (Let's try not to emulate that part.) But her body grew into the first coca bush. Ancient Incas believed chewing the leaves brought health and happiness — but men were only allowed to chew the leaves after proving themselves sufficiently sexy to women, which sounds perfectly sensible, right?

Since we all know that dark chocolate is loaded with antioxidants and is a mood-booster, the most socially responsible thing you can do is to go eat some chocolate now.

Tipping Point: My favorite chocolate in New York is Li-Lac. I heartily endorse the almond bark. Daskalides, from Canada, is pretty good, too. And for hot chocolate that makes you see the face of God, get to Jacques Torres.

Goddess Worship

If it's Sunday, it's Goddess Worship Day, when we here at Geeky Splendor pay homage to our fellow divine entities.

The great thing about goddesses, is that sometimes their lives suck. I don't mean that I derive schadenfreude from their misfortunes (I save that for bitches I hate). But it comforts me to know that even goddesses are regularly vexed by issues ranging from the totally traumatic to the tiny and trivial.



Life was no cakewalk for any of the beautiful, brainy, talented, magnetic goddesses you can think of (both mythical and actual). Screen icons Dorothy Dandridge and Maryilyn Monroe had sad childhoods; Janet Jackson, Eleanor Roosevelt and even The Incomporable Morgan Fairchild, struggled with a little too much junky in the trunky at various points, though I suspect Eleanor really did not care. Blues legend Ruth Brown went from stardom to working as a housekeeper before she returned to her rightful place in the limelight; even Buffy toiled at the sucky Doublemeat Palace and couldn't get a bank loan. Greek goddess Hera had a philandering husband and Oshun, the Yoruba goddess of luxury and love, had a total and complete grief-fueled mental collapse (things got so bad that she wasn't even concerned with fashion anymore and — that's like one of the top suicide-watch red flags).

Remembering that every goddess, no matter how fabulous, faces ups and downs, is a good way to feel better about the fact that you blew through your 401K like a drunken shopper, hate your job — assuming that you still have one, are dateless for your best frenemy's wedding or have cellulite visible from space stations. I'm just saying.

The Tipping Point: I caught this New York Times profile by Charles Isherwood on Liza Minnelli's latest comeback and it's a goddess story.