Of Monkeys and Morgan Fairchild: Wait, What?

Geeky Splendor has a number of questions about the chimp that went crazy and nearly killed someone and then was taken out like Eleanor Bumpurs (except with justification and probably more discretion). First off, WTF is a chimp doing on Xanax? We, here at Geeky Splendor, understand that pets can have issues because one time The Cur was diagnosed with a stress disorder, but we'll save that for another time. And what's this we hear about the chimp drinking wine? That chimp should not be mixing the hooch and happy pills with abandon. And another thing, do any of you people realize that chimp was in the Old Navy commercial with Morgan Fairchild? If anything ever happened to The Incomporable Morgan Fairchild TM, Geeky Splendor would be on suicide watch for sure.



I should have a nice video here of Morgan Fairchild and the late Travis, but as usual, YouTube has flipped Geeky Splendor the bird, so I'll get around to finding that video later. I've got to go search The Cur's belongings to make sure she's not mixing Valium and vodka again.

Mystical Negro Advisory

Have you been having unusually vivid, perhaps even disturbing, dreams lately? Take heed, people. Mystical Negro is here to tell you that there is some serious psychic intensity going on right now. Don't just shrug it off as too much Ambien, Grey Goose and hot sauce before bed, these messages are coming to you from your angels, ancestors, God, Xenu, Morgan Fairchild, the universe, your subconscious or whatever you want to call it.

Remember your dreams, write them down, interpret the signs and get ready. We are all in for some major changes and the best way to prepare for the road ahead is to read the signs. And just remember, there is a difference between positive thinking and magical thinking, so dismiss these omens at your own peril. I have spoken. (I planned on telling you all this yesterday, but was still to vexed by the Miss America travesty to deal with it. My bad.)


Tipping Point: Practice total-body head-to-toe relaxation right before you get to sleep and try to spend at least five or ten minutes just quietly musing on your dreams before you get out of bed or start talking to people.

Goddess Worship

If it's Sunday, it's Goddess Worship Day, when we here at Geeky Splendor pay homage to our fellow divine entities.

The great thing about goddesses, is that sometimes their lives suck. I don't mean that I derive schadenfreude from their misfortunes (I save that for bitches I hate). But it comforts me to know that even goddesses are regularly vexed by issues ranging from the totally traumatic to the tiny and trivial.



Life was no cakewalk for any of the beautiful, brainy, talented, magnetic goddesses you can think of (both mythical and actual). Screen icons Dorothy Dandridge and Maryilyn Monroe had sad childhoods; Janet Jackson, Eleanor Roosevelt and even The Incomporable Morgan Fairchild, struggled with a little too much junky in the trunky at various points, though I suspect Eleanor really did not care. Blues legend Ruth Brown went from stardom to working as a housekeeper before she returned to her rightful place in the limelight; even Buffy toiled at the sucky Doublemeat Palace and couldn't get a bank loan. Greek goddess Hera had a philandering husband and Oshun, the Yoruba goddess of luxury and love, had a total and complete grief-fueled mental collapse (things got so bad that she wasn't even concerned with fashion anymore and — that's like one of the top suicide-watch red flags).

Remembering that every goddess, no matter how fabulous, faces ups and downs, is a good way to feel better about the fact that you blew through your 401K like a drunken shopper, hate your job — assuming that you still have one, are dateless for your best frenemy's wedding or have cellulite visible from space stations. I'm just saying.

The Tipping Point: I caught this New York Times profile by Charles Isherwood on Liza Minnelli's latest comeback and it's a goddess story.